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astillarTonight Liz and I finally had a talk about what happened earlier this week. Liz still feels that my post was an attack on her and I still feel that my post was a bold but honest request for help. We’re not going to agree on that and frankly, that’s not the most important item that we needed to resolve. If anything, my post from earlier this week was just a flare-up, a superficial symptom of other, deeper, older issues we’ve been contending with. In good times, we’ve been able to endure or ignore these issues for the most part. But with me in Dallas indefinitely, Liz alone in Austin planning a wedding, each strapped for money, luxuries, and fun, both of us have become unhappy. Our usual methods of combating unhappiness are denied us for the time being and this added stress has exacerbated the old issues that we can usually deal with. All together, it has become too much. It appears that Liz and I cannot move forward until we deal with these fundamental problems.
The conclusion we reached was that we are not prepared to marry one another. The wedding will be postponed until when and if . . . well, I don’t know. We both agreed that we need to go to couples’ counseling; our own unmediated attempts to reconcile matters has only brought us this far after all. Perhaps with help and advice which the both of us respect and acknowledge, we can progress farther than we could on our own.
I expect that in such therapy, things will get worse before they get better. We’ll have to face the inequities and problems that exist in our relationship and that will not be easy. I’m not sure that we can recognize our faults and shortcomings, accept responsibility for them, and make the true, committed effort to correct them. I am afraid of the possibility that the medicine may kill the patient, that we may not be able to bridge the schisms we find between us. What then?
I may be being overly pessimistic, but this is serious and the stakes are high. I am worried. But I know that this will be the best, in the end. If we do get married, it will be upon a stronger foundation than we have now. We love each other, but we have problems too. Admitting one doesn’t negate the other.
The conclusion we reached was that we are not prepared to marry one another. The wedding will be postponed until when and if . . . well, I don’t know. We both agreed that we need to go to couples’ counseling; our own unmediated attempts to reconcile matters has only brought us this far after all. Perhaps with help and advice which the both of us respect and acknowledge, we can progress farther than we could on our own.
I expect that in such therapy, things will get worse before they get better. We’ll have to face the inequities and problems that exist in our relationship and that will not be easy. I’m not sure that we can recognize our faults and shortcomings, accept responsibility for them, and make the true, committed effort to correct them. I am afraid of the possibility that the medicine may kill the patient, that we may not be able to bridge the schisms we find between us. What then?
I may be being overly pessimistic, but this is serious and the stakes are high. I am worried. But I know that this will be the best, in the end. If we do get married, it will be upon a stronger foundation than we have now. We love each other, but we have problems too. Admitting one doesn’t negate the other.
