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astillar Friday evening when I returned home, the front door was locked. Not a good omen, I thought. Inside, Liz was distant and cold. I asked repeatedly if she was okay, if she was feeling poorly, if I could do anything for her, but I only got one-word answers out of her. I began wondering what I'd done wrong to warrant the silent treatment and went to bed without any answers.
Saturday continued in the same vein. Liz didn't want to talk or do anything, so I busied myself with cosplay. That afternoon Liz said that we had a couple things to talk about. Her serious tone made me a bit anxious, but also eager to finally find out what was bothering her. Instead, Liz just asked me to agree on our new wedding date and to help pick a pontential couples' counsellor. We disagreed on how we should pay for the counselling, but at least Liz said she'd think about my idea.
It wasn't until that evening that Liz finally informed me that her prickly mood was due to that time of the month. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I was relieved and a bit happy. I wasn't in trouble after all! Yeah, Liz would remain moody and withdrawn for the rest of the weekend, but at least it wasn't my fault. That made things so much more bearable. That evening she went out with a friend and I was glad to have a calm apartment to myself.
Sunday we went to the mall for some "retail therapy" as Liz called it. While there, Liz asked me to reconsider going to AX. With no impending wedding to plan for, Liz is thinking of using her vacation time to go visit a friend in New Mexico. In turn, she thinks that I should go to AX, to be fair. I'm wary about this proposition though. So I asked her if she would really be okay with me going to AX, or would she spend the Fourth of July weekend nurturing anger and resentment towards me? She admitted that that was a likely scenario. Why? I asked. She cited the "putting AX before our wedding" reason even though I don't see how that applies anymore (but I didn't bring up that point to her). But, she continued, she didn't want me to stay in Austin with her because she expects that I would spend that weekend being angry and resentful towards her and hold it against her for a long time. I had to disagree. I told her that scenario could be avoided as simply as me buying a new video game. That way I wouldn't spare a second thinking about AX, I'd be happy as a clam. She didn't believe me though.
Honestly, even though I still really want to go to AX with my friends (and I'd be fine with Liz going on a trip on her own), it just seems like a lose-lose situation. And I can't stay with these friends unless Liz tells them that she's okay with the idea. Effectively, this decision rests with Liz; she really has to be okay with it for it to happen.
Last night while I was driving back up to Dallas, it occurred to me that taking separate trips may not be the most beneficial for us as a couple, the way things are right now. On one hand, I think that it's fine that we act independently to satisfy our differing needs and wants (in fact, I've been trying to encourage it for the most part), but on the other hand, I think we're at a delicate position where going off on our own may not be helpful. So I asked Liz to think about the idea of us taking a trip together. She seemed unexcited about the idea, saying that we might just make things worse by trying to force a mutually satisfying and happy vacation. But she did say she would think about it.
I feel kinda bad because I haven't been able to come up with any ideas that fit that bill. I just felt that this option had to at least be discussed before we went off and took our separate, selfish trips.
Saturday continued in the same vein. Liz didn't want to talk or do anything, so I busied myself with cosplay. That afternoon Liz said that we had a couple things to talk about. Her serious tone made me a bit anxious, but also eager to finally find out what was bothering her. Instead, Liz just asked me to agree on our new wedding date and to help pick a pontential couples' counsellor. We disagreed on how we should pay for the counselling, but at least Liz said she'd think about my idea.
It wasn't until that evening that Liz finally informed me that her prickly mood was due to that time of the month. At the risk of sounding like an asshole, I was relieved and a bit happy. I wasn't in trouble after all! Yeah, Liz would remain moody and withdrawn for the rest of the weekend, but at least it wasn't my fault. That made things so much more bearable. That evening she went out with a friend and I was glad to have a calm apartment to myself.
Sunday we went to the mall for some "retail therapy" as Liz called it. While there, Liz asked me to reconsider going to AX. With no impending wedding to plan for, Liz is thinking of using her vacation time to go visit a friend in New Mexico. In turn, she thinks that I should go to AX, to be fair. I'm wary about this proposition though. So I asked her if she would really be okay with me going to AX, or would she spend the Fourth of July weekend nurturing anger and resentment towards me? She admitted that that was a likely scenario. Why? I asked. She cited the "putting AX before our wedding" reason even though I don't see how that applies anymore (but I didn't bring up that point to her). But, she continued, she didn't want me to stay in Austin with her because she expects that I would spend that weekend being angry and resentful towards her and hold it against her for a long time. I had to disagree. I told her that scenario could be avoided as simply as me buying a new video game. That way I wouldn't spare a second thinking about AX, I'd be happy as a clam. She didn't believe me though.
Honestly, even though I still really want to go to AX with my friends (and I'd be fine with Liz going on a trip on her own), it just seems like a lose-lose situation. And I can't stay with these friends unless Liz tells them that she's okay with the idea. Effectively, this decision rests with Liz; she really has to be okay with it for it to happen.
Last night while I was driving back up to Dallas, it occurred to me that taking separate trips may not be the most beneficial for us as a couple, the way things are right now. On one hand, I think that it's fine that we act independently to satisfy our differing needs and wants (in fact, I've been trying to encourage it for the most part), but on the other hand, I think we're at a delicate position where going off on our own may not be helpful. So I asked Liz to think about the idea of us taking a trip together. She seemed unexcited about the idea, saying that we might just make things worse by trying to force a mutually satisfying and happy vacation. But she did say she would think about it.
I feel kinda bad because I haven't been able to come up with any ideas that fit that bill. I just felt that this option had to at least be discussed before we went off and took our separate, selfish trips.
