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astillarMonday, during our evening phone call, Liz told me that her work was cutting her (and everyone's) hours to avoid firing anyone outright. Business has been slow. The cut amounts to a 10% reduction in hours and pay. She was understandably upset about this but I tried to reassure her that we would be okay money-wise so long as we continue to be responsible.
Tuesday night, Liz told me that the mom cat and kittens that had temporarily lived under the Catbus on the porch had returned. It looked to her like one of the kittens had hurt it's leg. She said she wanted to try and trap the kitten to take it into the vet to have it's leg taken care of, then she went on to say how she wanted to start leaving out food for strays on a regular basis and possibly also trapping them to take in for spaying/neutering. I considered both ideas to be bad ideas. Good intentions, yes, but bad ideas. The immediate question of taking the kitten to the vet begged me to ask, "What if it needs extended care?" If it needs medication or stitches or a cast to be removed later, are we going to take in a feral cat and care for it till it gets better? The questions I was asking her were ultimately asking what level of commitment (time, money, emotion) was she willing to give for this, and would it be worth it? Her responses dodged the question, she kept replying that she'd been brought up to want to take care of strays and that this was what she felt she should do, as if those two reasons were all that mattered.
Concerning the long-term question of feeding, trapping, and spaying strays, I was less agreeable. I told her I would be okay with putting out dry food for strays, but trapping and spaying them (at $35 a pop) seemed like a wasteful and unnecessary investment of time and energy. I don't see the point in spending money on strays when her own cat doesn't have health insurance, we're still saving for a wedding, and we're about to start spending between 200 to 500 dollars a month on counseling. (I avoided mentioning her reduced paycheck though; I'm not that unkind.) By now Liz was responding to my questions only with angry silence and occasionally, "I knew it was a mistake to talk to you about this." She was already angry and withdrawing from the conversation, but I wasn't going to let her bad mood get the last word. I recommended that she go ahead and call the shelter to see what options they could offer for the kitten, then let me know what she'd learned. I was hoping that if she spent some time thinking and researching this idea, she'd be able to discuss it rationally and maybe change her mind about it.
Wednesday night, she refused to discuss the matter.
I really hope she doesn't try to shut me out of this decision (since I'm out of town) and do something out of spite or stubbornness. This idea of hers could add a lot of unnecessary stress to her plate.
What I'd really wanted to post about was what came out of our last face-to-face discussion. Liz conceded that I have the need and right to privately confide in friends and seek their advice, as she does. Half of the offense of my sex post, she said, was that I "aired our dirty laundry in front of the whole world," with strangers rather than in a discreet manner with friends. The second half of the offense was that I'd only shared one part of my side of the story. She said that if I was going to confide in people, she would prefer that I share _everything_ rather than just one small snippet that portrays her in a bad light. I heard maturity and wisdom in those two statements, so I took them to heart.
If you can read this post, it means I trust and respect your opinion and discretion concerning the messy inner workings of my personal life. Still, I realize that some people would prefer not to know. If that's the case, please comment and I will remove you from this new filter.
I've been considering Liz's second point. I have plenty of relevant archived LJ posts that would explain how the two of us got to where we are today to anyone with patience enough to read them. Though part of me wants to take Liz at her word, I can't quite shake the nagging doubt that somehow, it might turn out to be a bad idea. As much as I'm desperate for any advice or information that might improve the situation, I'm more desperate to avoid worsening it.
I don't know.
Tuesday night, Liz told me that the mom cat and kittens that had temporarily lived under the Catbus on the porch had returned. It looked to her like one of the kittens had hurt it's leg. She said she wanted to try and trap the kitten to take it into the vet to have it's leg taken care of, then she went on to say how she wanted to start leaving out food for strays on a regular basis and possibly also trapping them to take in for spaying/neutering. I considered both ideas to be bad ideas. Good intentions, yes, but bad ideas. The immediate question of taking the kitten to the vet begged me to ask, "What if it needs extended care?" If it needs medication or stitches or a cast to be removed later, are we going to take in a feral cat and care for it till it gets better? The questions I was asking her were ultimately asking what level of commitment (time, money, emotion) was she willing to give for this, and would it be worth it? Her responses dodged the question, she kept replying that she'd been brought up to want to take care of strays and that this was what she felt she should do, as if those two reasons were all that mattered.
Concerning the long-term question of feeding, trapping, and spaying strays, I was less agreeable. I told her I would be okay with putting out dry food for strays, but trapping and spaying them (at $35 a pop) seemed like a wasteful and unnecessary investment of time and energy. I don't see the point in spending money on strays when her own cat doesn't have health insurance, we're still saving for a wedding, and we're about to start spending between 200 to 500 dollars a month on counseling. (I avoided mentioning her reduced paycheck though; I'm not that unkind.) By now Liz was responding to my questions only with angry silence and occasionally, "I knew it was a mistake to talk to you about this." She was already angry and withdrawing from the conversation, but I wasn't going to let her bad mood get the last word. I recommended that she go ahead and call the shelter to see what options they could offer for the kitten, then let me know what she'd learned. I was hoping that if she spent some time thinking and researching this idea, she'd be able to discuss it rationally and maybe change her mind about it.
Wednesday night, she refused to discuss the matter.
I really hope she doesn't try to shut me out of this decision (since I'm out of town) and do something out of spite or stubbornness. This idea of hers could add a lot of unnecessary stress to her plate.
What I'd really wanted to post about was what came out of our last face-to-face discussion. Liz conceded that I have the need and right to privately confide in friends and seek their advice, as she does. Half of the offense of my sex post, she said, was that I "aired our dirty laundry in front of the whole world," with strangers rather than in a discreet manner with friends. The second half of the offense was that I'd only shared one part of my side of the story. She said that if I was going to confide in people, she would prefer that I share _everything_ rather than just one small snippet that portrays her in a bad light. I heard maturity and wisdom in those two statements, so I took them to heart.
If you can read this post, it means I trust and respect your opinion and discretion concerning the messy inner workings of my personal life. Still, I realize that some people would prefer not to know. If that's the case, please comment and I will remove you from this new filter.
I've been considering Liz's second point. I have plenty of relevant archived LJ posts that would explain how the two of us got to where we are today to anyone with patience enough to read them. Though part of me wants to take Liz at her word, I can't quite shake the nagging doubt that somehow, it might turn out to be a bad idea. As much as I'm desperate for any advice or information that might improve the situation, I'm more desperate to avoid worsening it.
I don't know.
