This post is not about steak

I really miss steak. It's been so long since I last had steak that I'm starting to forget what it's like. I have faint memories of it. I know I can't have steak every day, but once in a while would be nice. Hell, I'd settle for having steak only on my birthdays. I can't have steak by myself, of course. The best I can do right now is have Spam every other night or so. Spam is no steak, but at least it satisfies my hunger. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure many people love Spam, but there are only so many ways you can cook it before you get tired of it. It's either Spam, or go hungry. The only thing I have at home is Spam. I'm a starving carnivore.
You flatter me if you suggest that I just go out and buy steak. On the radio this morning, they were talking about some guy who paid $250 for beef jerky (beef jerky, not even steak!) and got robbed for $2000. That's insane. I'll never make that kind of money, so it's kinda pointless to ask if I would buy steak.
I've started thinking crazy thoughts, like maybe I should go jump on some random cow and go nuts. Something, anything.
Man, I really miss steak.