I don't know how you girls do it

So I left a large portion of my clothes in Canada. Figured, hey, I'm only gonna be home a few days, why bring it all down? But once I was here I realized, hey, I don't have enough underwear anymore. So I buy some right? But I didn't quite look closely at the label. Accidentally bought 'bikini briefs', whatever the hell those are. Put them on and thought, well, they're kinda skimpy, but they cover what needs to be covered.
But the thing is, it feels like half my ass is hanging out. I'm hyper-aware of my butt cheeks all of a sudden. My delicate tush is exposed. I mean, thongs on girls are awesome, but how do you women do it? I . . . simply can't function with my butt exposed to the world. There's no . . . border patrol or Berlin Wall. It's all, Hello World, meet my butt!
It just feels weird, is all I'm saying.