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Aug. 5th, 2015 01:22 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
astillarAfter last night's final blow, I vented a little on Facebook this morning. Nothing venomous or pathetic, just a statement of what's going on with me: the break-up, being broke and giving up on Dragon*Con, and my continued bad luck in finding a teaching job with the school year just about to start. I received quite a few messages of support and consolation and a handful of friends reached out even more than that. I was touched. The messages were heart-warming, even though they can't do anything to really ease my depression, they . . . helped in a way.
This afternoon Katherine sent Cameron to pick up some bourbon that she needed for cooking. He came back with that bourbon and an extra bottle of rum for me. It was an odd surprise. He's trying to help, I suppose. But I only drink in pleasant situations; I wouldn't dare risk mixing alcohol with my current emotional state. I'm almost considering it though.
The past few days I've been doing what I can to keep myself distracted. That means reading, playing games, watching TV, playing more with Lilly, just anything to keep my mind preoccupied. I was playing a video game this evening when Lilly got up a few minutes after her bedtime. Usually she just goes to the bathroom or asks her dad for some water. But this time she came to my door and asked, "Uncle Cody?" That was atypical.
"Yes Lilly?"
She pushed open the door and asked, "Why are you not friends with Miss Jane anymore?"
How do you explain a break-up to a three-year-old? Lilly was really fond of Jane so I'd been dreading this question. I suppose the topic must've come up when Cameron was putting Lilly to bed. The best answer I could give Lilly was, "Because I hurt her feelings really bad."
"Why?"
"Because I was mean."
"Did you say you were sorry?"
"Yes, I did. But . . . she doesn't want to be my friend anymore."
Lilly didn't look like she really understood or accepted my explanation, but I couldn't think of any other way to describe it better. I miss her too, Lilly.
This afternoon Katherine sent Cameron to pick up some bourbon that she needed for cooking. He came back with that bourbon and an extra bottle of rum for me. It was an odd surprise. He's trying to help, I suppose. But I only drink in pleasant situations; I wouldn't dare risk mixing alcohol with my current emotional state. I'm almost considering it though.
The past few days I've been doing what I can to keep myself distracted. That means reading, playing games, watching TV, playing more with Lilly, just anything to keep my mind preoccupied. I was playing a video game this evening when Lilly got up a few minutes after her bedtime. Usually she just goes to the bathroom or asks her dad for some water. But this time she came to my door and asked, "Uncle Cody?" That was atypical.
"Yes Lilly?"
She pushed open the door and asked, "Why are you not friends with Miss Jane anymore?"
How do you explain a break-up to a three-year-old? Lilly was really fond of Jane so I'd been dreading this question. I suppose the topic must've come up when Cameron was putting Lilly to bed. The best answer I could give Lilly was, "Because I hurt her feelings really bad."
"Why?"
"Because I was mean."
"Did you say you were sorry?"
"Yes, I did. But . . . she doesn't want to be my friend anymore."
Lilly didn't look like she really understood or accepted my explanation, but I couldn't think of any other way to describe it better. I miss her too, Lilly.
