The coward can't complain
Mar. 2nd, 2007 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
astillarAh, I have to laugh at myself. I have to laugh because being sad or angry won't accomplish anything. So, I laugh. But don't mistake laughter for happiness.
I'm not a very confident person. This morning, while I had some spare time, I wrote this for my daily LJ post, but mostly to work myself up enough to do something about this work situation.
Just when I think that this job can't possibly get worse, it finds a new way to screw me over. It's a creative, sadistic bastard. For about one week in February I thought I was on top of things. Now it's become painfully apparent that I'm on the bottom and this job is the alpha male, reaming me in the ass whenever it pleases. That was, until now.
Yesterday was an important inflection point. The situation continues to deteriorate and I have to decide, will I follow the downward trajectory and bury myself with this job, or extricate myself and improve things?
Normally I don't have the clout or confidence to stick up for myself when I'm being taken advantage of. But I've reached the limit of my patience; my ass is sore. I was doing my end-of-the-month paperwork and looking at the calendar, I realized I only had two days off this month, one for Ikki-con and one for my workshop. At the beginning of this job, we were told we'd work 10 days on, 4 days off. These 4-day weekends have yet to materialize. The entire month of February was lost; I haven't had any time for my cosplays. Sure, my paycheck is fatter due to all the overtime, but I don't give a damn about the money. Working 80-100 hours a week is unacceptable to me.
So I'm putting my foot down. A coward taking a defiant stance is laughable, I know, like a lamb trying to growl. I'm telling my boss when I'll work and when I won't. I don't care how they come up with someone else to cover for me; it's not my problem. The contract says we're supposed to have two men working out here, but for the past month I've been doing both jobs by myself. We've drilled over 1700 feet and out of that, I missed 5 feet. That's a 99.7% success rate, which apparently isn't good enough since I got chewed out about it.
So I'm done trying to be a super-engineer. This time around, I come first and the job comes second.
Less than 30 minutes after I finish that entry, Boss #0 calls me to the Phase 2 job site. I get there and while I'm searching through my papers, he spies a "Vacation Request" form amongst them. "A Vacation Request Form? You don't have time for that." He may have been joking, but it was enough to slash my sails and leave me dead in the water.
A few minutes later they bring up the subject of time-off again, this time seriously. They ask if I need to be relieved. Rather than leaping upon their offer with a hearty, "YES!" I automatically consider, "Is my workload currently more than I can handle? . . . No, not for the foreseeable future. Is there anyone who can replace me? . . . No, no one who knows what they're doing. Then the correct answer is NO."
So I reply, "No . . . this weekend should be slow. I can handle things here. Next weekend might be different though," I say, getting ready to ask for next weekend off for Chimera-con.
"Oh, well next weekend is even more important than this weekend so we'll definitely need you then. If you're going to take any time off it should be this weekend."
"But can we find someone in time to replace me tomorrow?"
"Hmm. Good point. It'll just be you then."
That's how I shot myself in the foot.
It's my own damned fault. I don't/can't stick up for myself and the result is that I often don't get what I want or end up carrying a heavier burden than necessary. I can mutter curses to the empty air, voice my grievances to an anonymous LJ, but admitting my feelings or that I need help to another flesh-and-blood person . . . I cannot do that.
I'm my own cause of unhappiness; I've no right to complain.
I'm not a very confident person. This morning, while I had some spare time, I wrote this for my daily LJ post, but mostly to work myself up enough to do something about this work situation.
Just when I think that this job can't possibly get worse, it finds a new way to screw me over. It's a creative, sadistic bastard. For about one week in February I thought I was on top of things. Now it's become painfully apparent that I'm on the bottom and this job is the alpha male, reaming me in the ass whenever it pleases. That was, until now.
Yesterday was an important inflection point. The situation continues to deteriorate and I have to decide, will I follow the downward trajectory and bury myself with this job, or extricate myself and improve things?
Normally I don't have the clout or confidence to stick up for myself when I'm being taken advantage of. But I've reached the limit of my patience; my ass is sore. I was doing my end-of-the-month paperwork and looking at the calendar, I realized I only had two days off this month, one for Ikki-con and one for my workshop. At the beginning of this job, we were told we'd work 10 days on, 4 days off. These 4-day weekends have yet to materialize. The entire month of February was lost; I haven't had any time for my cosplays. Sure, my paycheck is fatter due to all the overtime, but I don't give a damn about the money. Working 80-100 hours a week is unacceptable to me.
So I'm putting my foot down. A coward taking a defiant stance is laughable, I know, like a lamb trying to growl. I'm telling my boss when I'll work and when I won't. I don't care how they come up with someone else to cover for me; it's not my problem. The contract says we're supposed to have two men working out here, but for the past month I've been doing both jobs by myself. We've drilled over 1700 feet and out of that, I missed 5 feet. That's a 99.7% success rate, which apparently isn't good enough since I got chewed out about it.
So I'm done trying to be a super-engineer. This time around, I come first and the job comes second.
Less than 30 minutes after I finish that entry, Boss #0 calls me to the Phase 2 job site. I get there and while I'm searching through my papers, he spies a "Vacation Request" form amongst them. "A Vacation Request Form? You don't have time for that." He may have been joking, but it was enough to slash my sails and leave me dead in the water.
A few minutes later they bring up the subject of time-off again, this time seriously. They ask if I need to be relieved. Rather than leaping upon their offer with a hearty, "YES!" I automatically consider, "Is my workload currently more than I can handle? . . . No, not for the foreseeable future. Is there anyone who can replace me? . . . No, no one who knows what they're doing. Then the correct answer is NO."
So I reply, "No . . . this weekend should be slow. I can handle things here. Next weekend might be different though," I say, getting ready to ask for next weekend off for Chimera-con.
"Oh, well next weekend is even more important than this weekend so we'll definitely need you then. If you're going to take any time off it should be this weekend."
"But can we find someone in time to replace me tomorrow?"
"Hmm. Good point. It'll just be you then."
That's how I shot myself in the foot.
It's my own damned fault. I don't/can't stick up for myself and the result is that I often don't get what I want or end up carrying a heavier burden than necessary. I can mutter curses to the empty air, voice my grievances to an anonymous LJ, but admitting my feelings or that I need help to another flesh-and-blood person . . . I cannot do that.
I'm my own cause of unhappiness; I've no right to complain.
